How to Parent Without a Village: Creating Your Own Support System
When you become a parent, it’s easy to feel like you’re expected to handle everything on your own. The romanticized idea of a bustling, supportive “village” surrounding a new parent is just that—an ideal. In reality, many parents find themselves navigating the early months without the family and community support that would feel helpful. Whether it’s due to physical distance from family, small friendship circles, or simply the fact that modern life often doesn’t leave space for hands-on help, parenting without a robust team can feel isolating.
But you don’t have to go through this experience alone. In fact, it’s vital for your mental, emotional, and physical well-being to build a support system, even if it looks different from the traditional village. Below are some practical ways to navigate this challenge and find the support you need—whether it’s through professionals, community groups, or simply learning to lean into your own emotional resilience.
1. Recruiting Professionals
One of the first steps in parenting without a village is acknowledging that you can’t do it all. You deserve support, companionship, and the knowledge that you have people in your corner. Professional services like a postpartum doula, therapist, and a lactation consultant can provide support to help you through the daily challenges you may be facing with a newborn. A cleaning service or meal prep service can make a huge difference in managing household tasks. While these services may seem like an indulgence, they’re actually investments in your mental health and well-being.
Shoring up mental, emotional, and practical supports can be a game changer during this season of life. As a postpartum doula, I have worked with many new parents whose own parents are deceased, live far away (many even outside the U.S.), are absent due to strained relationships, or have health needs that prohibit them from providing hands-on assistance to the new family. While I know that I will never take the place of a loved one, it’s such an honor to step in and support these new parents and let them see that they are not alone.
2. Finding Support Groups
Many new parents feel isolated, but you’re not alone—there are communities out there that can provide a sense of camaraderie and solidarity. Finding support groups is a great way to connect with others who are going through similar experiences.
In-person Support Groups: Search for local parenting groups in your area. These could be based around specific parenting styles, breastfeeding, or babywearing. Many hospitals, birth centers, and parenting organizations offer these kinds of groups. In many areas, an organization called Parents as Teachers provides both parent educators that visit your home, as well as group connections where you can meet other parents.
Virtual Connections: If you can’t find a local group that fits your needs or you prefer the convenience of online interactions, many virtual support groups are available. Platforms like Facebook, Meetup, or even parenting-focused websites host online forums or groups where parents can meet virtually to share experiences, advice, and empathy. As an introvert who has a hard time walking into a group of strangers, I can attest to the power of a virtual community to feel connection.
3. Sitting with the Emotions
One of the hardest truths of parenting without a village is the occasional feelings of isolation and sadness that can creep in. It’s okay to acknowledge that parenting is hard and that you might feel lonely or disconnected.
Allow Yourself to Feel: Don’t rush past the sadness. Parenting is an emotional rollercoaster, and there will be ups and downs. It’s perfectly normal to feel like your experience is different than you’d hoped or envisioned. Grief can emerge or re-emerge during this significant life transition. Embrace your feelings —processing them is part of the healing process.
Mindfulness and Journaling: Sometimes, the act of sitting quietly with your emotions and giving them space can help. Practices like mindfulness or journaling allow you to reflect and release what you’re holding in. This can be a small but powerful step in managing the emotional challenges of new parenthood.
4. Making Small Goals to Build Community
It can feel daunting to think about building a full village when you’re already exhausted. That’s why it’s helpful to set small, achievable goals to bring more support into your life, even in incremental ways.
Reach Out to a Friend or Family Member: If you’re missing social interaction, try reaching out to a close friend or family member to schedule a quick chat or even a visit. Even if they can’t physically be there, the emotional connection is invaluable.
Join an Activity: If it feels right, consider joining a class or a group—either virtual or in person—that interests you. This could be a new parent workout class, a baby-and-me yoga session, or an online workshop. These activities give you a way to connect with others while keeping your focus on something positive.
Make One Connection a Week: Set a goal to connect with someone or engage with an online community once a week. Over time, these small steps will help you build a network of support.
Parenting without a village can feel daunting, but you will still find your way as a new parent. By enlisting professional help, finding both virtual and in-person support, embracing your emotions, and setting manageable goals, you can create the support system you need to navigate this stage of life. Remember that it’s okay to ask for help—and that, in doing so, you’re strengthening your own ability to care for yourself and your growing family.
About the Author, St. Louis Postpartum Doula Kathleen Robbins
Kathleen Robbins is a postpartum doula in St. Louis. She experienced very different levels of connection and support after the births of her two children, and can relate to parents who yearn for a more robust sense of community. As a doula, she enjoys providing resources to new parents to help them bolster their mental, emotional, and social wellbeing.
